Code Gym Class
by One Sided Pancake
Summary: A twist on the Code Geass story as we know it! A humorous onlook into the school lives of the entire cast of Code Geass. Starring Lelouch and some Suzaku. Rated T for randomness, language,violence, and some references. But mostly randomness - Borderline M
1. Period One : Gym Volleyball

**Hello, victims! Welcome to Code Gym Class, an on look into the school lives of the cast of Code Geass! I've rated this story with a T, but I do warn you that there is some mild language and references in this story, but nothing explicit. Nothing you haven't heard before. I do not own Code Geass, but this storyline below does! Please, please, oh PLEASE review, as I often have taken to reviewing in return also. So, with that being said, please enjoy! **

**Additional notes : When I use these hyphens in a long line - - - - - it means time has passed by, but only within a few minutes. -Muahahahahaha- Also, the chapter name indicates which period the story is taking place in. This fanfiction takes place among random days of the year; it is not one giant day combined into many chapters. [Did that make any sense, I hope? xD] Anyways! I hope you will enjoy Code Gym Class!**

**  
By One Sided Pancake  
**

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ **Code Gym Class** /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

_-__**Period One: Gym Class: Part one –**_

**- **_**Activity: Volleyball-**_

"Hey, Lelouch! Catch!" some random male student wearing short shorts cried.

And with that, Lelouch Lamperouge took some balls to the face. Volleyballs. Not the type you're thinking, you pervert. This is not yaoi fic.

"Shut the fuck up! Can't you see I'm trying to read!?" cried Lelouch without even looking up.

"Uhhh… Oh. Sorry…I thought you were gay. ERR! Did I say gay? I mean open…Err! Not like that! But like you were open as in you could catch my balls... WAIT NO!! NOT LIKE THAT!! NOT LIKE THAT!!! What I _mean_ is-- "

"Yeah, I'm open. But not in the gym sense."

"…."

"So... You're gay..."

"Mhm."

"…."

"…."

*fake coughing*

*throat clearing*

*awkward silence*

"So, uh… Whatcha' readin'?" the student dared to ask.

"Pr0n." Lelouch replied, as if it were just perfectly natural to be reading it in the middle of the school's gymnasium.

"Oh." The student felt a tinge of jealousy. Whenever he had porn, his Dad usually 'borrowed' it from him and 'forgot' to return it. Sad story; his life.

"Yeah…" The student was searching for anything to say.

"…"

"So, Uhhh…" he began again.

The atmosphere was getting awkward. Even the oxygen wanted nothing to do with this.

Lelouch needed something to say to this unfamiliar student, and unlike past experiences, he had to refrain from humping this stranger's leg. He would never want to make the same mistake again.

"Wait a minute… Lelouch!? Is that you!?!" the stranger exclaimed, incredulously.

Lelouch dropped his Christmas themed porn and gasped when he looked up to see his father.

"DAD!?? Like, OH-EM-GEE!1!!!11! Wtf lol hax!!!"

"AWKWAAAARD~!!!"

"..."

"Damn, son... You look _fine_."

"...No comment?"

"..."

"So, uh… What time does this class let out?" Charles casually asked his son.

"Ten thirty five."

"Ah, gotcha."

"…"

Lelouch then looked down to see that his father was wearing short shorts. _Very_ short shorts. Lelouch needed to puke. Now.

"Excuse me while I wash my eyes out with Clorox bleach and dry them with sandpaper."

Suzaku, wearing a pink robe, pink slippers, curlers, and attempting the cucumber over the eyes trick, overheard this and acted immediately.

"HEY! Be sure to save some _sandpaper_ for me to wipe! And put down the toilet seat for once, will ya?!? GOD, I ALWAYS have to do all the work around here while you sit on your lazy a—"

Lelouch proceeded to pimp slap Suzaku out of the way.

_Treated._

- - - - - - - - - -

Lelouch came back from the wonderful experience of sandpaper to the eyes to find his father still standing in his original spot, waiting.

"….Dad…"

"…"

"You came here to rape me again, didn't you?"

"NO! DID NOT!! LIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Charles ran out the gym door, arms flailing above his head.

- - - - - - - - -

Moments later, two men in white uniforms walked in the room.

"Excuse me, we're with the Britannian Mental Facility (BMF… :D I hope people get the tiny little joke of the acronym, there…). Have you seen…. THIS MAN!?!?"

The man pulled out a picture of a little boy sitting on Michael Jackson's lap, smiling.

"Uhh… How the fork did you get this picture of me?!?!" Lelouch snapped the picture out of the man's hand.

"Oh, excuse me; wrong picture. I meant…. THIS MAN!?!?"

The picture was of Lelouch as a nine year old, sitting in the bathtub with a bucket on Nunnally's head.

"GOD DAMMIT!!!!" The man in the white coat shouted. "THAT'S SEXY!!!"

Once again, Lelouch rolled his eyes and seized the picture.

"I bet you guys don't even work for the Mental Facility."

The man in the white coat widened his eyes.

The man looked at Lelouch like he was crazy. "This is gym class!!!!!"

Lelouch slowly turned his head to the man, slightly nodding.

"Gym class…?_ THIS... IS... SPARTTTTAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!_" and with that, Lelouch kicked the white coat man into a conveniently placed hole in the middle of the gym floor.

Nunnally came up to Lelouch, wearing leather outfit, a mask, and a whip for no apparent reason.

"Wow Lelouch! That was amazing!" Nunnally spoke, nevermind the fact that she is blind and that there is no possibly way that she could have seen the act.

"Even more amazing than the time you took the peanut butter into your bedroom and—"

"GOD DAMMIT NUNNALLY! I TOLD YOU TO NEVER BRING THAT UP!!!!"

**A/N**: **Can you imagine Charles in some gym uniform like that?! I sure don't want to... Someone, PLEASE help me get the imagery out of my mind... Oh, hey, a waffle...  
**

**Anywaaaaays~ The next chapter will also be about Gym class. I know for certain that there are two more chapters and one mini chapter ahead. Please do review! Remember... I review back! - One Sided Pancake  
**

**Also, please tell me if there is something more that I should do to make this story a little better xD  
I know that I'm far from being a good writer!**


	2. Period One : Gym Basketball

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ **Code Gym Class** /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

**By One Sided Pancake**

**- **_**Period One: Gym Class: Part 2 **__–_

_**- Activity: Basketball –**_

The score was 6 to 9, the Britannian Gym team in the lead.

"Something isn't right here, and it isn't just the desperate hilarity of the score, or the fact that Suzaku isn't wearing any pants…" spoke Lelouch, who was in a schoolgirl costume.

"Lamperouge!! For the eighth time this week, where are your gym clothes?!" The gym teacher had had enough of this nonsense, but she _did_ have to admit that Lelouch looked downright FINE.

"I'm sorry, Viletta. I just thought I'd get back in touch with my feminine side, is all. And that last sentence I said was a little pervy, if you think about it." Lelouch pointed out.

"Wow… He's right… It _IS_ a little pervy…." Viletta whispered to herself. She started to walk away, and with that, she made a mental note to take her kittens out of the microwave. Seemed like Lelouch was off the hook again. He had to admit; Viletta could be pretty dense sometimes.

The game continued.

"Suzaku!" A player from the Britannian Gym team passed Suzaku the ball.

Suzaku caught the ball with his teeth, but both his teeth and the ball were ripped out of his mouth when an opposing player took it back.

The Japanese Gym team member continued down the court with the basketball, already within inches of the basket. He was about to throw it when out of nowhere, Nunnally crashed through the wall, screaming "OH YEAAHH!!!"

Lelouch slapped himself in the face. He should have never let Nunnally watch all those Kool-Aid commercials at 3 o'clock in the morning. It was starting to have a bad influence on her.

Nunnally took the ball down the opposite end of the court despite the fact that A) She is blind, B) She is in a wheelchair and C) She doesn't even go to this school. She attempted to make a basket 12 times, but failed each time. She was starting to get angry, turning a shade of lime green, and a six-pack emerged from where her flat tummy had been.

"Does this always happen to her when she gets angry?" someone asked Lelouch.

"Only on Fridays." Lelouch replied.

_Ah, SHIT. If I'm going to make a basket, I'm going to have to think fast… _Nunnally thought to herself and her schizophrenic alter ego.

Nunnally quickly turned around and pointed to the wall behind her.

"Look! A distraction!"

Everyone turned around.

"WHERE?!?!"

"OH MAI GAWD LOOK!!! A DISTRACTION!11!!!"

"THAT IS THE MOST AMAZING DISTRACTION I'VE EVER SEEN!!!"

Nunnally rolled her eyes.  
"Silly Rabbit," she started.

"Trix are for kids!"

Anyways, Nunnally used this opportunity to run out of her wheelchair and slam-dunk the ball. She pumped her fist in the air. "YES!!! DID YOU GUYS SEE THAT!?" but no one

seemed to be listening. They were all too busy marveling over a non-existent distraction.

"CURSES!!! FOILED AGAIN!!" Nunnally kicked her wheelchair which exploded into a million pieces upon impact. Nunnally then spoke such a colorful language that even the saltiest of seadogs would take one look at her and say "Daaaaayum!"

Viletta was the first one to snap out of the curse of the non-existent distraction.

"Hey! You there! You don't even go to this school!"

Nunnally's eyes narrowed as she reached into her ass and pulled out an envelope. She opened it and pulled out blackmail pictures of Viletta at prom night. An evil sneer spread upon her face. She then proceeded to laugh like Rena Ryuuga from Higurashi at the scene where she was about to randomly kill Keichi in the forest. _Kinky_, Viletta thought to herself.

"Oh, really? Well, I guess that all 146 of these pictures might _accidentally_ upload themselves onto myspace somehow…"

Viletta gasped. "YOU WOULDN'T!!!!"

"I WOULD!!!!"

Without another word, Viletta ran out the gymnasium doors, screaming, "I SWEAR TO GOD, I THAT KITTEN WAS COMING ONTO ME!!! IT CAME ONTO ME OUT OF NOWHERE!!!!111!!" Viletta ran all the way home and ate tubs of ice cream on her bed, crying herself to sleep, despite the fact she was lactose intolerant.

**A/N: Review! Review! Review! I review your stories in return~! **

**- One Sided Pancake  
**


	3. Period Two : Chemistry Part One

**_Hello, One Sided Pancake, here! Welcome to chapter three of Code Gym class! I had a lot of ideas for a third chapter of Gym class, but then decided I couldn't really flesh out the story like how I wanted it to be. So, I progressed the story to... Period Two! Chemistry! Muahahhahah... This chapter is REALLY random, I feel. I hope I got this story right. xD _**

**_Please leave a review if you would be so kind. :)  
_**

**_/\/\/\/\/\/\/\Code Gym Class/\/\/\/\/\/\/\_**

**_- Period Two : Chemistry -  
_**

Le-Douche Lamperouge sat in his Chemistry class, obviously not paying attention to the subsitute teacher's lection. The subsitute teacher was telling the class about his dead goldfish, whom he has kept under his pillow for 8 years in hopes that the tooth fairy will take it away and bring him an AK-47 in return. Also, whenever he goes to sleep at night, he claims that, "Something smells fishy". *Please don't throw tomatoes at me, I just got this outfit dry cleaned yesterday…*

Lelouch's lifelong dream of sticking his hand down the garbage disposal for sexual pleasure was interrupted when something hit Lelouch in the forehead.

"Hello, Lelouch, I'm sorry to bother you but have you seen the left chunk of my brain around here somewhere?"

Lelouch looked up to see who the owner of such a manly, sexy voice was.

He mentally crossed his fingers and thought, _Please be Chuck Norris, PLEASE BE CHUCK NORRIS!!!!_

But Lelouch was heavily disappointed when he saw the owner of the voice was.

It was Kallen, with a large gaping hole on the left side of her head.

"*#(%*#..."

Lelouch looked around his desk before reaching for something.

"Here you go..." Lelouch looked down at the rather minuscule left part of Kallen's brain which he held in his hand, noticing something wrong with the textue. "Uh... Any reason why the left part your brain has teeth marks all over it?"

"Ohh... That... hehe, well, uh... Funny story, that, you see..." Kallen immediately hid the pencil she was biting behind her back.

"Whatever. Anyways... How the hell does your brain even function like that…?" Lelouch asked aloud.

"Oh, don't worry about me. I've always been like this." Kallen then proceeded to eat a venomous spider which had been crawling inside the empty void which was her brain.

"It must be _terrible_!" Lelouch added.

"Oh, it is. The only thing that lets me sleep at night is knowing that I have 1489.8 images of explicit NaruSasu yaoi on my computer's hard-drive at home. I absolutely love it when my computer gets viruses. Especially Trojans! In fact, just thinking about my identity getting stolen and my credit card information getting leaked to the general public makes me feel like I have diarrhea. I _LOVE_ IT!!!!" Kallen had stars in her eyes.

"Really?! ME TOO!" Lelouch and Kallen gave each other a high-five.  
They then proceeded to square dance atop of the desks to the beat of Kallen smashing her head against the wall.

"HEY, YOU TWO. Let me finish my speech… You can do that later..."

"Oh, sorry…" Lelouch apologized to the teacher, and he and Kallen sat down for the remainder of the speech.

**- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

"And that children, is the story of how Paris Hilton is the cause of Global warming." the subsitute teacher concluded his speech.

Suddenly, the class president stood up, and she did not look amused. Come to think of it, she almost never was. Her name was Robert de Niro.

"Uhh… Sensei?" She started.

The subsitute turned his head to face her. "Yes, what is it? Did you want to borrow my chainsaw?"

"No, not this time... I still have to carry the bodies out to the dump... But anyways, I was wondering… Are you _really_ a substitute teacher…?"

"Uh… Well, No… I woke up this morning and just happened to wander into here by chance and figured, 'Why?"

"Well, uh, it's just that the chainsaw on your desk and the new student Emily Rose kind of creeps everyone out here."

"Oh. Uh... Well, don't mind the chainsaw. It's just uh... For... uh... Research."

"Then what the fuck is Emily doing here?"

"She's a relative."

"...."

**- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

Now that matters were solved, the imposter subsitute teacher has fled the dangerous Chemisty class by jumping out the window. He has since then found a new life in Mexico where he now has 48 kids, 12 wives, and 4 husbands; two of which are expecting.

But what's really important here is that the children were left, unsupervised.

Some kids shoved beakers up their noses. Others drank last week's Lab Experiment. One kid in particular experimented by shoving a fork and a socket. Yes, Rivalz was a weird one. The fact that he has been doing this for sexual pleasure since he was old enough to crawl explains the reason for his gravity-defying hairstyle.

Diethard, however, still has no excuse. His hair just screams 'Pedobear' louder than Lelouch he catches Nunnally humping the bedpost. "She's a cripple; How the hell does she do that when she can't even stand?!"

Anyways...

The entire Biology class was currently an anarchy. That is, until the new sub, Lloyd Ass-plunge… Er, did I say Ass-plunge? I meant Asplund. Tee hee… Lloyd APSLUND arrived, with all of his accent which reminds me of a sophisticated version Stewie's voice from Family Guy. [It does!! O_O]

"Okay… Uh… So I'm new to this whole _teaching thing_, so I figured we'd just make some uranium bombs, or simple like that... So! For extra credit, can anyone tell me the chemical formula for the water inside my toilet at home?"

**- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -**

"Wow… If only my Mom were here to see this…"

"Lelooooooouchhhh~" Marianne's omnious voice wailed.

"???"

"Lelooooouch~, this is your motherrrrr~. I'm standing right in front of youuuuu~."

"Oh, crap, that reminds me, I forgot to record today's episode of Seventh Heaven on the DVR…."

"LELOUCH!!!!!! Look in front of you before I shove a kitten up your left nostril."

"Woah! Who the fuck said that? Am I high? I bet Sayoko spiked my drink or something before in came here… Ohhhh she's trying to suck up for a promotion, isn't she?"  
Lelouch faced the front of the room before noticing Marianne's soul, floating amidst the atmosphere.

"Oh, hey there mom. When did you get here? Hey... What are you doing with that kitten -- Oh, hey, NO, NO! I DIDN'T SEE YOU, I SWEAR!! HELP!!! HELP!!!!!!!11 THAT DOESN'T GO THEEERRRRE!!!!"

- - - - Twenty minutes later - - - -

When nurse Shirley finally managed to carry Lelouch into the nurses' office, she immediately grabbed a carrot from the fridge and confronted doctor Jeremiah.

"Ehh, what's up, doc?"

Jeremiah looked up from his clipboard.

"Yes... We're going to have to deliver the baby by C-Section."

"WHAT?! LULU is PREGNANT?!?!?!"

"...'Lulu'? This isn't V.V's room?"

"No... This is Lelouch Lamperouge..."

"........*#*&$", he cursed. Jeremiah, like 95% of the Code Geass fan population, thought that V.V was a girl the first time he appeared in the series.

"So, uh... What is wrong with _Lelouch_?"

Jeremiah reached for his glasses and slowly took them off of his face, clearing them on his white jacket. And this time, the white jacket was not a strait jacket.

- The whole scene switches to a dramatic wide-screen view -

"Well, it seems that he has a serious case of a horribly written and totally cliché hospital scene… We have to get that treated right away. It can cause Nausea faster than you can say, 'Hey, is that Justin Timberlake?'. Nurse Shirley, pass me the suppositories.

Shirley's eyes widened in horror.

"But doctor, those aren't necess-"

"I SAID GET ME THE FUCKING SUPPOSITORIES!!! YOU SHALL RESPECT MAH AUTHORITY!!"

"Yes sir!" Shirley responded.

Just as she was nearly out the door, Jeremiah remembered something more.

"And bring me the pepper spray, while you're at it."

Shirely stopped dead in her tracks.

"…Pepper spray, sir…?"

"Yes… Pepper spray… I like the tingle…"

**Don't touch that dial; We'll be right back with Code Gym Class! But first, a word from our sponsors. **

**Review-On! Apply directly to the fanfic! **

**Review-On! Apply directly to the fanfic! **

**Review-On! Apply directly to the—**

***BANG***

**Well, I think you get my point…**

**[Spin-off of 'Head-On commercials, for those of you who think my copy+paste skills are going crazy]**

**-One Sided Pancake  
**


	4. Period Two : Chemistry Part Two

**Hello again, my favorite people in the whole wide world! [Code Geass fans :D]**

**This chapter is a bit more violent than the rest. I apologize. It leans towards M for slight violence, but whatever I write in my notebook eventually gets put into the actual story and some point in time. And that time is now!! Sooooo... Please enjoy Code Gym Class~! **

**_Don't forget to leave your review!_**

**Code Gym Class, Chapter 4:  
Period Two - Chemistry, Part Two**

Lelouch was finally walking back to the Chemistry room from the nurse's office when he heard the glass-shattering screams of children coming from the janitor's closet. Although this sound was quite familiar, Lelouch couldn't help but shake his head and sigh.

"Oh god, its Pedobear again, isn't it?" Lelouch shuddered and continued walking.

The Pedobear was in charge of hazing the incoming freshman at the beginning of each year. And he did a pretty damn good job at it, might I mention. Lelouch remembers his first day at Ashford Academy.

In other news, Lelouch still fears walking to the bathroom alone to this day.  
The only time he ever goes to the bathroom now is get a quick look of Nunnally showering.

Lelouch placed his hand on the doorknob when a fist smashed through the glass of the door window.  
Quickly opening the door, Lelouch gasped in horror when he saw the sight before him:

Some classmates were swinging from the ceiling lights. Others were jumping out the 25th story windows despite the fact that Ashford Academy is only 5 stories high. The rest of the students where fighting to the death with various school supplies to be found in the Science Lab.

On top of all of that, Lloyd, the substitute teacher was duct taped to the chalkboard upside-down with two pieces of chalk in his nose and an eraser in his mouth.

This wasn't madness._  
This was Sparta._

Lelouch ran over to Lloyd, slow-mo style. Hey, it may take him forever to get to his destination, but at least it made him look good.

6 and a half hours later, he finally reached Lloyd at his current position.

"Mmfrrffhmrhfffh!!!" Lloyd cried Lelouch.

"What's that, Lassie? Timmy is stuck in the well!?" Lelouch gasped.

"Fmphhpmhrmphh!!!!!" Lloyd yelled again.

"You want me to give the Jonas Brothers a haircut?"  
Now, _hey there_… _That_ wasn't such a bad idea…

"MMPHPHFFFMMRRPHMMM!!!!!!!!!" Lloyd thrashed about in the duct tape he was currently stuck in. If Lelouch didn't help him out of the tape soon, things were going to get sticky. [Haha, knee-slapper]

"Ohhh… You want me to take the eraser out of your mouth… Well, GOLLY!! You should have just said so…"  
Lelouch removed the eraser from Lloyd's mouth and peeled the tape off of him.  
Lloyd landed on the ground with a thud.

"Lloyd!! What happened?!?"

"They…They g-grabbed me by the arms and legs and t-taped me to the ch-chalkboard! They t-took all the ch-chalk and stuck them in my n-nose!!"

"…You know, even though the eraser is out of your mouth now, I still can't understand you with that accent..." Lelouch noted.

Captian-Points-Out-the-Obvious-A-Lot, AKA Lelouch, suddenly realized something.

"They put chalk in your nose?!?!" He asked Lloyd incredulously.

"Y-yeah, and that's not the only place they p-put it…" Lloyd then grabbed a nearby stapler proceeded to staple his eyelids shut.

"Oohhh... That's gonna hurt in the morning…"

Lelouch then turned around to catch a sight of Kallen eating the classroom's pet hamster.

"Kallen!!! KALLEN!!!!!! Put that down right now!!!!!!" Lelouch took his tazer out of his pocket and tazed Kallen repeatedly.  
Lelouch ran Kallen faster than Stephen Hawking when he heard the ice cream truck and snatched the half eaten corpse of Fluffnuts the hamster.

"Somethin' wrong, Lelouch?" She mumbled, her mouth full, blood and fur coating her teeth.

"Yeah!!! You have to wait for dinner for this!!!!" and Lelouch threw it out the window.

Kallen started to cry. She fell to the ground on her knees, and dramatic music started to play.  
Lelouch ran to Kallen's comfort, kneeling down, putting his hands on her shoulders.

He looked directly into Kallen's eyes.

"Yes, Kallen, I know you're still upset after getting the sex change operation, but this is just normal! Give it a few days… Trust me from experience. It will get better."

*sniff sniff* "…Really? It will?" Kallen looked up at Lelouch, a tiny glint of hope in her eyes.

"NO, NOT REALLY, BITCH!" Lelouch then took his thumbtack collection of out his shoes and proceeded to stick Kallen up on the classroom bulletin board.

- - - - - - - - - -

Lelouch was amazed by the anarchy that the classroom had become.

Some students formed their own tribes. Others had held sacrificial rituals to the Sun god.

They even had to resort to cannibalism to survive, even though they had only been in the classroom for about 25 minutes now, and no one could possibly be hungry.

Lelouch was snapped back into reality when one half naked student with indian feathers and facepaint threw a spear towards him.

Lelouch dodged just in time, and sighed with a relief.  
He turned around to see where it was landing.

It continued to fly and instead hit Suzaku in his left eye.

"Tee-hee, that's tickles!!! A HA HA HA! A HA HA HA! TICKLE ME SUZAKU! A HA HA HA! A HA HA HA! TICKLE ME SUZAKU!" Suzaku laughed will shaking in place. He was either A) Laughing so hard that he was shaking B)Having an epileptic seizure or C) Having a random orgasm because he is a masochist.

"Wow, Suzaku! Are you okay? Both physically _and_ mentally?"

"Haha, yeah of course! ..Well, physically, at least." Suzaku took a nearby computer and smashed his face into the screen.  
His blood coated the keyboard, and glass shards were stuck in his skin.

"…You're going to fix that...Right?"

_**10 minutes later...**_

The school bell rang.

People dropped their spears and weapons, the dead corpses of the sacrificed students got up and started to stand up, and every student calmly walked out of the class room in a nice, orderly fashion in a single-file line to go to their next class.

"Treated my _life_", Lelouch said before bobbing for goldfish in the classroom's fish tank.

**This chapter was wrong in so many ways... I can't even begin to explain how the hell some of these thoughts even crossed my mind. This story is getting more and more violent by the second... I promise to tone down the violence a little in the next chapters! xD If I want to keep this fanfiction a T rated fiction, which I feel it has surpassed long ago... But, from here on out, it will be kept to a T fiction. xD Thank you for putting up with me and my crazy story! - One Sided Pancake  
**


	5. EXTRA CHAPTER : Passing Period One

**Hello... This chapter is the second passing period that takes place in the story. I accidentally skipped the first one, but please accept this one until I can finish the third period of the school day. Enjoy, and it is a really short chapter! Credit for Lloyd's joke goes to Aliza.  
**

**Code Gym Class  
Passing Period 1**

**By One Sided Pancake  
**

Suzaku Kururugi was surfboarding down the hallways of Ashford Academy when he heard a familiar-sounding voice.

"Why, if it isn't Suzaku!!" A highly Britannian accented voice called out.

"I DIDN'T DO IT!!!…Oh, Lloyd… It's just you." Suzaku looked up from his Deathnote and quickly crossed out the name "Lloyd Asplund – Diarrhea from eating too much pudding at 6 o'clock on Wednesday, the 15th of May".

"Cool notebook!"

"Hehehehehehehehehehehehe yeah..." Suzaku then threw the Deathnote out the window. Then, on the other side of the school, Light Yagami saw the Death Note falling to the ground and picked it up after class. AND THUS, THE ENTIRE DEATH NOTE SERIES WAS BORN!

"Hey, Suzaku…" Lloyd began, with his hands on his hips and a smile that said "I will rape you; don't think that I won't."

"Yes, Lloyd?" Suzaku looked up, hiding the miraculously reappeared from thin-air Deathnote out of Lloyd's sight.

"What's the difference between having sex and making love?" Lloyd asked.

Suzaku made a puzzled face and crinkled his nose.  
Lloyd was telling a joke.

"Uh..…I dunno…" He gave up.

"30 BUCKS! Well, anyways, I'll see you around later, Suzaku Kururugi!"

Lloyd then randomly jumped out a nearby window and flew away into the sky. Suzaku ran to the window just in time to hear Lloyd shout, "LOOKS LIKE TEAM ASPLUND'S BLASTING OFF AGAIN!!! -ding-"

"…I'll just pretend that never happened…"

Ten weeks later, at 16 o'clock, Wednesday, the 15th of May, Lloyd Asplund died of unknown causes, but a recent autopsy suggests he "Died of diarrhea, perhaps from pudding."

Suzaku Kururugi is being held for questioning.

__________________

**Thank you for all the 950+ readers to my story! I've never written a story before, and to me, 950 is A LOT! Please do remember to review, Thank yuu x3**

**- One Sided Pancake  
**

**P.S - The actual chapter five will be up very shortly! In fact... I just have to make a few minor corrections, and it'll be ready for action. :D  
**


	6. Period Three : English Part One

**If your brain melts whilst reading this chapter, let me assure you that you are not the only one.  
No Rolos were harmed in the making of this Fanfic. Oh, wait... Never mind...**

**/\/\/\/\/\/\ Code Gym Class /\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
Chapter 6 - Period 3 - English  
By One Sided Pancake**

English.  
Lelouch's worst subject.  
He spoke about as much English as Sylvester Stallone did.

And it is for that reason that today, Lelouch brought an apple to suck up to the teacher.  
He ran over the teacher's desk, leaving the apple on the stack of porn that the teacher had on her desk.  
No way she would miss the apple there!

Lulu then ran back to his chair, giggling like the little creeper he was.  
He then walked up to some random student and whispered, "_Seven days.._." eerily into their ear before taking a seat at his desk.

The students sat down in their chairs, reading silently and whispering quietly to their neighbors and studying for the quiz today…

...Just kidding, they were beating the living crap out of each other using their Pokemon. Again.

Lelouch couldn't even hear himself think…  
Which was normal for him, anyways.

The bell rang, but the students showed no sign of settling down or dying anytime soon.

"Good morning class!" The teacher spoke with a chipper voice. "I love you all!"

Lelouch could have sworn he heard the teacher mutter under her voice,"I hate kids, I hate my job, I hate my life...My fucking job pays me shit…"  
A smile suddenly spread on her face as she gained her happiness suspiciously quick.

None of the students listened to her words.  
They were all too busy stabbing each others eyes out with paperclips and flinging rubber bands at Nunnally.

"Class…" the teacher was trying to get the class's attention.

No one payed her any mind, though.

"Cla~ss….." She demanded louder.

Still, the students proceeded to rampage.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! ALL OF YOU!!! BEFORE I GET MY TRANQUILIZER!!!"

_Oh god. Not the tranquilizer again_, thought Lelouch. Maybe she'll like the apple at least.

"AND WHO THE FUCK PUT THIS APPLE HERE?!?!?! I HATE APPLES!!! THEY REMIND ME OF SIN!!!! WHOEVER PUT THIS APPLE HERE, I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN!!!!"  
Everyone in the in the room turned their glances towards Lelouch. He slumped down in his chair.

All the students stood in shock. Some froze in mid-air. Nunnally put down a chair that she was going to hit Rolo over the head with. C.C decided to climb down from the chandelier. Tianzi slowly pulled her switchblade out of her ear and back into her pocket, and Shirley turned off the jackhammer she was using to clean out Suzaku's left nostril.

Well, actually, he had one giant nostril now. And some severe brain damage, but wasn't that already there in the first place? Of course it was.

"So!" the teacher cheerfully continued while stabbing a knife repeatedly into her desk, "We will be having a new target-er, I mean, _student_ join us today. Her name is You-Feel-Me-Up… Er, Euphemia... Sorry about that, Euphemia… I'm still having a hangover from last night...Ahhhh, good times, gooood times…"

"It's cool, it's cool. My sister calls me that all the time." Euphie smiled.

"Oh really? You have a sister too? Is she single--I mean, what's her name?" The teacher quickly corrected herself. No need for her past records of child sexual abuse getting out to the public now. Not when she finally had a job in a school surrounded with teens like Ashford. It was like being Michael Jackson in McDonald's Playland.

Euphie responded to the teacher's odd question. "Her name's Cornelia. But I call her Cornholio. She needs T.P. for her-"

"So, anyways!" The teacher interrupted, as she saw that this was going to be a horrible Beavis and Butthead reference. "Princess You-Feel, Er, I mean Euphemia... Why don't you introduce yourself to the class?"

"Why don't you _shut the fuck up_?" Euphie pulled out her tazer and shot the teacher repeatedly in the forehead.

The teacher fell to the ground, and a giant "+10 pts." graphic flew from her body.

"lol jk jk…Need a rez?" Euphie joked.

The class applauded at the new high score by Euphie.

Euphie slowly put the tazer back into her purse and walked back to her seat, renowned a hero of her class. She was going to get along very well in this new school.

- - - - - - - - - -

The teacher, who magically regained consciousness a couple minutes after being tazed by Euphie, decided to let the kids do whatever the hell they wanted. It's not like she was getting payed to teach these kids or anything. She pulled her Gameboy out of her pocket and began to play Pokemon Blue at her desk.

"Pikachu, I've just about had it… That's the fifth time I've tried to catch you, you little fucker…" The students knew too well not to interrupt the teacher when she was in her "Gameboy mode". The student two rooms down the hallway with a prosthetic leg was living proof.

Two minutes later, and the students could see that the teacher was getting more and more pissed off by the minute.

The teacher suddenly threw her Gameboy against Rolo's head in anger.

"#(*&(*%&#(*%&(!%_&(#&)(*^&(*#&%(#*!%&!!!!!!!!!!!!" some students gasped at some of the words which they never knew had existed before.

"Rolo!! Are you okay!!?" Lelouch yelled to the injured boy.

"…Yeah! I think so, big brother!" a smile spread upon Rolo's face.

"Dammit…Er, I mean…Good…"

When Lelouch got back to his desk, he hit his face against his desk until he actually thought he was Paris Hilton.

"That's hot", he said.

- - - - - - - - - -

The last of the students were finishing their English tests that had been given to them a half hour earlier.  
Tianzi was feeling awfully brave. She walked up to the teacher's desk. The teacher was in the middle of sharpening her axe collection.

"Hey, uhm… Teacher?" Tianzi asked shyly.

"Yes, what is it, human?" the teacher looked up from her axe.

"Uhm… How come you don't have a name?"

"What do you mean by that?" the teacher asked as if Tianzi was crazy.

"Well, uh… For one thing, we just call you 'teacher' and 'her' and 'hey you'… We were wondering… Don't you have a name…?"

"Aha, of course I do! It's –" Suddenly, fire truck sirens conveniently interrupted the teachers voice. Lelouch saw the teacher mouth her name, but couldn't hear her over the sirens.

"Oh, god… First, C.C, then V.V, now you?! NO ONE HAS A NAME ANYMORE!!!! FUCK MY LIFE!!!!! " Lelouch ran through the door, leaving a body-shaped hole in the middle of it.

Suzaku then turned to C.C.

"Hey… Come to think of it, what _is_ your real name?

"Circuit City. Obviously."

_Woah._ _Didn't see that one coming._

"Wow... Really? Then, what is V.V?"

"Videogame Victory"

"...Are you_ robots_?"

"Nah. They're both Russian names."

"Ohhhhhhh..."

"..."

"You wanna ditch?"

"Hellz yeah, brudda" C.C agreed.

They got their hoes together then drove off in their pimped out ridez to the south-side of da 'hood.

Fo' shizzle

**I think that if you are reading the store up to this far, you've realized that the story may be borderline M for the common use of profanity and random violence. I also notice The more the stories go along, the worse the damage Rolo recieves to the head xD Rolo is my scapegoat...If anything happens to anyone, expect it to be Suzaku or Rolo... Feheheh... **

**Keep those reviews on rollling, people! Thank you for those of you who have reviewed and read thus far! :3  
I'm having some fun writing this.**

**- One Sided Pancake**


	7. Period Three : English Part Two

**A/N : One-Sided-Pancake... Have you ever put much thought into it before? O__o Well, enjoy this chapter! Another passing period chapter is to follow after this.**

"*+~.,.~+*"*+~.,.~+*"*+~.,.~+*"*+~.,.~+*"*+~.,.~+*"*+~.,.~+*"*+~.,.~+*"

"Ohh yes, Lelouch. To the left. Yes. Yes! Right there! OH! Yes! That's the spot!" Suzaku moaned.

"Wow, big brother! Me next! Me next!" Rollo nagged persistently.

"No, me, Lelouch! Do **me** next!_ I'm your sister_!!" Nunnally pleaded.

"Hold on, guys... I only have two hands to work with, y'know..." Lelouch gasped.

"HEY! Shut up! I'm trying to teach a class here!" The nameless English teacher shouted.

She looked up from her obviously-non-teaching-state, just long enough to say,

"Stop that. It's just...Awkward."

Suzaku craned his neck around and gasped, "It's only awkward if you make it awkward..."

"...True...Very true..." she mumbled before trying to defeat the third gym leader so that she could be the worlds number one Pokemon master... Despite the fact that about one million Pokemon fans before her probably waited in line the day the game came out just so they could beat the game in 6 hours. So, in other words, she would not be the world's number one Pokemon master. She would be the 1 million Pokemon master. Not so special now, huh, bitch?

Tianzi suddenly crashed through the ceiling, yelling "SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE!!!" at the top of her lungs before flying back out via bungee cord.

"DAMMIT!!!" Rolo screamed. He then stabbed a nearby pair of scissors into his right knee seven times and jumped off a cliff. His last words before he went missing were,  
"I HAVEN'T READ THE HALF-BLOOD-PRINCE YETTTTTTT"

Lelouch stopped giving Suzaku a back rub and sighed, returning to his desk.

The teacher was finally forced to **actually teach the class something **after the principal came in with a chainsaw and said that he would drown her in his bathtub if she couldn't resurrect his favorite teddy bear that he murdered earlier that morning. Little did he know that he had flushed it down the toilet, anyways.

Yep; Children screaming; the teacher slacking, Rolo killing himself, and the principal walking in the room with an electric power tool capable of ripping your face off and shred it into tiny microscopic pieces in a matter of seconds...

The sight wasn't uncommon in Classroom 882385 of Ashford Academy.

The teacher was being carefully watched by the pedo-like principal, because the princiPAL is your PAL. Get it? -Slaps knee- The teacher pulled out her teacher's edition of the literature book and read out loud a random page. Satisfied, the principal turned off his chainsaw and left. The teacher sighed in relief and then decided to slam her face into one of the drawers of her desk, repeatedly, of course.

Meanwhile in Classroom 882388, two doors down from this current room, the sound of Miss Yukari slapping Osaka in the face with a steel drum filled the hallways. Osaka's death screams sounded very close to Miley Cyrus' performance at the Oscars that year.

Chiyo-chan was being the little smart-ass she is as she proudly showed Tomo her "A+" on her 'Guns and Weapons of Mass Destruction" pop quiz they had in English. Tomo surprisingly got an F-, which is a major improvement for her. Usually the teacher writes "Just give up. Now." on the top of her paper along with the occasional bloodstain here and there, but this time, she got an F-. A sign that things were starting to change. However the heck she made it to high school, I have no idea. But she did. Somehow.

_**OMFG UNNECESSARY BOLD LETTER!!!! OMG**_

Anyways, back in Classroom 882385, the teacher slowly pulled her game boy out of her desk, checking around for signs of the principal being in sight. The students were used to their teacher persistently playing Pokemon at her desk while they all plotted world domination against fast food restaurant chains, which was missing the entire point of "WORLD domination" completely.

"Okay, so, Suzaku will get Taco Bell, Lelouch will get Burger King, Shirley will get Dairy Queen, Kallen will own Wendy's, I will dominate White Castle A.K.A Slyders, and C.C will obviously control Pizza Hut... We attack at midnight..." Milly confirmed the group, making sure all the soon-to-be-Fast-food-dictators would understand their grounds.

"Yeah."

"Sounds good!"

"Why the hell do I get Wendy's? Just because my hair is red..."

"Burger King... What a lame pun." Lelouch stated while going stabby-rip-stab-stab on his left wrist.

"Dairy Queen...But just because I have big boobs..."

"Just build a bridge and get over it. Hey, what's this?" Milly snapped as she drank a bottle of Chemical-X.

**AND THUS, THE POWERPUFF GIRLS WERE BORN!!! USING THEIR ULTRA-SUPERPOWERS, LELOUCH, KALLEN, AND EUPHEMIA HAVE DEDICATED THEIR LIVES TO FIGHTING CRIME, AND THE FORCES OF EVILLLL!!!! **

***Theme song plays***

The Nameless Teacher suddenly got up in front of the class, half naked, and asked, "Who here is passing math class?"

Hesitantly, three students raised their hands. The teacher hit an eject button conveniently placed on her desk, sending two of the students flying out the window.

*Boinggggg*

She then turned and handed a giant portfolio-like folder to the last remaining volunteer.

Which was of course, C.C.

"Here are my taxes... And uh, I need them done by today, preferably by 12 o'clock sharp. I have a business meeting to attend today with a lady named Starbucks.

The teacher then stuck a ruler up Euphemia in a very uncomfortable position and continued to walk towards the back of the classroom.

"I'll be in the supplies closet in back. If anyone needs me... _Be sure to knock first_..."

Poor C.C had to begin working on the taxes, when in truth, she wasn't all that smart in math.  
Lelouch regrets letting C.C rot in front of the T.V everyday with pizza after school.

"Hey, Lelouch... The bell is about to ring... Do you get the homework? Suzaku asked with a suspiciously molester-like attitude.

"Yeah. I'm pretty sure I do. Why? You don't understand it?"

"No. I just don't comprehend it." Suzaku stated blankly as he shred his English textbooks to slices with his teeth.

"...That's the exact same thing..." Lelouch stated.

"Nuh-uh."

"Uh-huh."

"NO! IT'S NOT! ASDFGHJKL!!!!" Suzaku had started pointing while looking and screaming like that five year old boy you always see in Toys-R-Us who you want to kick the crap out of because he's nagging his mom for some gay G.I Joe action figure and we all know he will grow up unmarried and live in his mom's basement, playing World of Warcraft each and every day with not outside social interaction, eating hamburger helper every day for the rest of his life until he dies from eating too many big macs in one sitting, because he tried to eat 6 but he knew he could only eat 3; that's why he ordered a medium diet-coke, because he's trying to watch his carbs and if you're still reading this, I feel really sorry for you because I forgot what the whole point of this paragraph is, in fact, it's not a paragraph anymore, it's a RUN ON SENTANCE FROM HELLLLL OMG wkjfojt92jfoemfe9vt u9n tvnutpru984utowefr9382u5893udmkfmegn4ukpwervslkejgewijrw!!!!!!!!!

**Anyways.**

"But it is! It is the exact same thing!!"

"No, I don't misunderstand it. I just don't comprehend it."

*diiiiiing*

The school bell finally rang, and the class stormed out of the room faster than the entire student council when the bottle landed on rivals during the "Spin

the Illegally purchased vodka bottle" game held last week in the clubhouse.

"..." Lelouch gave up. Suzaku was just dense. He was so dense, he would sink in his bathtub even if he were wearing a life jacket.

Lelouch shrugged and walked through the wall to his next and least favorite class... Math.

"*+~.,.~+*"*+~.,.~+*"*+~.,.~+*"*+~.,.~+*"*+~.,.~+*"*+~.,.~+*"*+~.,.~+*"

**Pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaase reviewwwwwwwwwwwww AHHHHHofjefjeofjiojobmfvwifjjr98238528fwdjfwlf...**

**Thank you.  
**


	8. EXTRA CHAPTER : Passing Period Two

**This is my chapter that I try to wind things down a little from the overly random chapters ahead. This is the third passing period before Lelouch's drama class.**

Lelouch was wheeling Nunnally around the hallways of Ashford during the third passing period of the day.

Nunnally required a lot of attention on Lelouch's behalf.

"Lelouch...Could you please fetch me that pencil I dropped?" Nunnally ordered.

"Yes, master." Lelouch obeyed. He immediately ran from Nunnally and grabbed the pencil with his teeth, bringing it back to his 14 year old loli-master.

Nunnally grasped the pencil with one hand before bitch-slapping Lelouch on the cheek. Hard.

"You left me. You didn't take me with you." She scolded.

"Sorry, mi lord." Lelouch apologized.

"Well...The least you could do for me is get me a back scratcher. My back itches, and I don't want you to itch it, being the pervert you are. Don't think I don't hear you at night. So, go find a back scratcher for me and retrieve it for me. But wheel me to the end of this hallway, first. NOW, if you want to eat any dinner and sleep inside the house tonight!!!"

Lelouch wheeled Nunnally down the hallway, running over six innocent bystanders, four cats and knocking over many garbage tins. He then left Nunnally at the end, ran to retrieve the back scratcher, and was nowhere to be seen for about three minutes.

"I swear to god, if he left me to go to Hooters again..." she clenched her fists.

But Lelouch came running back, and handed something to Nunnally.

"Ahh... You finally did something useful for once, servant. You still have to bury the bodies we have hidden in the walls tonight, though. Now, DANCE FOR ME, MINION!!! DANCE, I SAY!!!!! EVEN THOUGH I CAN'T SEE YOU, I CAN FEEL YOUR PAIN AND HUMILIATION!!!!!"

And so Lelouch did the robot while Nunnally returned to her task at hand. She was about to lift the 'backscratcher' behind her back when she noticed something.

"Man-servant..."

"Yes, Nunnally-whom-art-holier-than-thou?" Lelouch replied.

"This is a cheese grater."

"..."

"Got anything to say for yourself? Do you think this is funny?!"

"...Well, sorta..."

"WELL!!!! You're right, it kind of is... Hey Suzaku!!! I don't know how I can see you, but I do, so come over here and let me scratch your back for you!"

Lelouch decided it was best to leave. Now.

He was stopped by Nunnally who had apparently gained echolocation, as she made weird screeching noises to find him.

"Is that cheese I hope?" Lelouch asked.

"No. It's Suzaku."

"...Dayum..." Lelouch gasped.

"Told you I'm hardcore."

**I always wish Nunnally would have said that in the anime. xD**

**  
Like always, review! And return! **

**Thank you! -OSP**


	9. Period Four : Math

**CODE GYM CLASS**

**Math**

V.V, the math teacher of Ashford Academy, was in the middle of explaining the quadratic formula when Lelouch burst through the door, panting. He was 20 minutes late.

"Let me guess, Lelouch. Did you just came back from a yaoi fanfiction, again?" V.V sighed.

"Yeah...T-That's right..." Lelouch panted as he walked back to his desk, with a limp. He couldn't even walk straight. Sometimes, Lelouch had to admit that being an uke had it's _down-sides _sometimes. (Haha, get it?)

"Well, fine. You can copy the notes I've written on the board." V.V pointed to the notes on the board he had written for the class to copy.

"1) All hail Britannia

2) All hail Britannia

3) All hail Britannia

4) I'm not short, I'm fun-sized."

"Okay, sure thing..." Lelouch took out his notebook, covered with random fangirl scribblings all over it.

"Okay class, where were we? Oh, right. You all suck. And I'll list you 506 reasons why. Okay, reason number 1, you're all about 40 years younger than me and yet all of you are about 2 times my height. Reason number 2..."

Lelouch couldn't pay any attention to the lesson at hand. This math lesson was turning out to be a history class. He decided he was going to take a little nap...

**~~~~~~~~ Nine Hours Later ~~~~~~~~**

"AH!!!" Lelouch screamed as he woke up from his nightmare. Nunnally had found his secret stash in his dresser drawer. "Whew...It was just a dream." Lelouch looked around him and realized he was still in his Math classroom. He looked outside the window to see that it was pitch dark outside. Frantically, Lelouch looked up to the clock on the wall.

11:57 PM.

How could this be?! Lelouch slept for nine hours, and skipped two classes! This was absurd! How come nobody woke him up?! All he needed was a little nap. The classroom lights were all turned off, and the door was locked. The windows too, were discovered to be locked upon trying to open them. He was locked in the school building until a janitor were to pass by next morning and find him. But wait! He had his cell phone with him! Lelouch eagerly reached into his ass-pocket and pulled out his iPhone.

It still had power left!

Thank goodness! Lelouch thought to himself as he began to dial Suzaku's number. All of a sudden, his phone died. It ran out of power, and immediately shut itself off. Lelouch tried to turn it back on (Hehe) but it just wouldn't operate.

"FUCK MY LIFFFFE" Lelouch yelled as he threw his 500 dollar phone against the front chalkboard, making a loud screech against the chalkboard

All of a sudden, Lelouch heard a cryptic and ghastly sounding voice wail.

**"SHHHH!!! YOU'RE GOING TO WAKE THE BABY!!!" **it said.

Lelouch's face turned into a twisted gasp as he looked around. No one was in the room with him. He was all alone. Who had spoken to him?

Lelouch was ready to hit the window with a hammer when all of a sudden, his iPhone started ringing, his "Sailor Moon Opening" theme playing loudly.

"That's odd...I thought it was out of battery..." Lelouch said as he looked at the caller I.D.

It was a call from 'Private Number'.

Lelouch answered it.

"Hello, Lelouch speaking."

From the other line of the phone, Lelouch heard a baby start to cry. It had a creepy echo to its cry.

**"WAAAAAAAAH!!!"** It cried.

Scared, Lelouch smashed his phone against the floor and screamed. He stomped on the phone and sat himself on a desk, rocking back and forth, sucking his thumb in the fetal position before he heard the creepy voice speak to him again.

It began to laugh evilly first, before yelling,

**"YOU WOKE THE BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"**

Lelouch screamed, and then everything went black.

_Lelouch was found the next morning, unconscious in the Math classroom. He is unavailable for an interview at the moment. This has been CODE GYM CLASS!!! Your #1 most untrusted news network!  
_

(Lame attempt at a pun on a certain news channel)

**A/N - Well, I couldn't really think of anything for Math, since Lelouch is the type of person to most likely pass math with a grade higher than an A+...  
**

**Thanks for reading and DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW!**

**One Sided Pancake**


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